Your words are deadly weapons..
Howdy all.
Well this week has been slow but eventful. I fell out with the best friend, made up with the best friend. Made new friends. Doubted any hope of a love life (which still stands) and wrote a kick ass pecie of original writing. I rarely like anything I write, and yes I keep picking holes with this peice..however it is much of a miricle. We were the set the task or orginal writing- a free fiction or non fiction peice about anything, and I couldn't for the life of me come up with anything. My mind shut down and refused to spark up with any good ideas. Then the night before it was due..and staring at a blank page of word, I sulked at the moody shouts of my mum, and wrote randomly about standing alone on a roof, then the writers block hit again. Thankfully, I happen to know a complete genius (called emma), who always has ideas and is an amazing writer. She gave me and idea..and I progressed..and wrote. The result..something Im very proud of. Yes it is possible..i can be positive. So..here it is:
If I fall.
I stood shakily on the rooftop of a building, I did not know, and did not want to know the number of storeys of. I felt, that maybe, just maybe if I could reach up high enough I would be able to touch the sky. Up here, I was totally alone. Nobody could harm me, shout at me, look at me. Nobody could do anything. Up here I had all the power and I controlled my life. Right here, right now, I decided.
My mind flashed back instantly to the moment my heart split into a thousand tiny pieces. A cliché I know, but I felt it inside, I knew my heart would cease to do anything but beat slowly from now on. Something finally cracked and the reality of my life finally hit me like a slap in the face. I would be the one who always hoped, wished and dreamt about it, but that final grasp would never end. The love would never be returned. A series of missed opportunities and disappointments, seemed to be the story of my life.
A perfect image of his face smirked in my mind, a face that would usually send my heart into hyper drive instead hung awkwardly on the no entry sign currently occupying the space it should be. I longed for any feeling, but the numbness had spread and slowly but surely ate away at every feeling and emotion I had ever known.
My lips brushed the material of my scarf that clung protectively around my neck, defeating the bitter cold that cursed my gloveless hands. Inside I was crying but no tears came. I walked closer and observed the wall between me and infinity. Would it be worth it? I rested my arms on the wall and looked down at the thousands of people below me, all oblivious to me watching them. From all the faces and bodies I saw, one still stood out. From the sea of strangers, I could still see him.
I watched as he walked, linked with a girl so much more beautiful than me, the sight unsteadying me, as I grasped tightly onto the wall edge. I closed my eyes tightly, hoping and wishing for the sight to disappear when I opened them again. My wish wasn’t granted. My mind flashed back to the time I had first met him. The way his hair brushed messily over his eyes, that smirk and quick wit and the way we clicked instantly. He brought out the best in me, and for once I was one of the achingly cool people I idolised so much. I was never one to be certain of anything, but with him, it seemed finally possible. I guess it wasn’t meant to be.
I swung my legs over the wall and sat on the cold brick, clinging tightly. Who would miss me if I jumped? I have friends, amazing, wonderful, beautiful friends and they keep me up when I start to fall, but sometimes, when I fall, all I want is for him to catch me. My friends can’t fill the void in my heart, it can’t displace the hole in my soul that only he can fill.
If any of them could see me now, they’d shout and scream at me for being so stupid, and I wouldn’t blame them in the slightest. Even I knew what I was doing wasn’t logical or clever, but I saw no other escape. Logical thinking had been pushed aside for once and all that was driving me was emotion.
I thought to myself, If I fall, will I keep falling? Will I ever reach the end? Maybe it would be cleverer to get back on safe ground and walk away from it. Escape it, but not end it. I looked back down towards the ground and contemplated life as I watched the only person that mattered in it. The achy empty feeling seemed to have set up permanent ground. I watched as he laughed, and touched and played. I watched as he flung his head back and smiled. I watched as his eyes caught mine from so far away. I watched the ground as I fell.
Well this week has been slow but eventful. I fell out with the best friend, made up with the best friend. Made new friends. Doubted any hope of a love life (which still stands) and wrote a kick ass pecie of original writing. I rarely like anything I write, and yes I keep picking holes with this peice..however it is much of a miricle. We were the set the task or orginal writing- a free fiction or non fiction peice about anything, and I couldn't for the life of me come up with anything. My mind shut down and refused to spark up with any good ideas. Then the night before it was due..and staring at a blank page of word, I sulked at the moody shouts of my mum, and wrote randomly about standing alone on a roof, then the writers block hit again. Thankfully, I happen to know a complete genius (called emma), who always has ideas and is an amazing writer. She gave me and idea..and I progressed..and wrote. The result..something Im very proud of. Yes it is possible..i can be positive. So..here it is:
If I fall.
I stood shakily on the rooftop of a building, I did not know, and did not want to know the number of storeys of. I felt, that maybe, just maybe if I could reach up high enough I would be able to touch the sky. Up here, I was totally alone. Nobody could harm me, shout at me, look at me. Nobody could do anything. Up here I had all the power and I controlled my life. Right here, right now, I decided.
My mind flashed back instantly to the moment my heart split into a thousand tiny pieces. A cliché I know, but I felt it inside, I knew my heart would cease to do anything but beat slowly from now on. Something finally cracked and the reality of my life finally hit me like a slap in the face. I would be the one who always hoped, wished and dreamt about it, but that final grasp would never end. The love would never be returned. A series of missed opportunities and disappointments, seemed to be the story of my life.
A perfect image of his face smirked in my mind, a face that would usually send my heart into hyper drive instead hung awkwardly on the no entry sign currently occupying the space it should be. I longed for any feeling, but the numbness had spread and slowly but surely ate away at every feeling and emotion I had ever known.
My lips brushed the material of my scarf that clung protectively around my neck, defeating the bitter cold that cursed my gloveless hands. Inside I was crying but no tears came. I walked closer and observed the wall between me and infinity. Would it be worth it? I rested my arms on the wall and looked down at the thousands of people below me, all oblivious to me watching them. From all the faces and bodies I saw, one still stood out. From the sea of strangers, I could still see him.
I watched as he walked, linked with a girl so much more beautiful than me, the sight unsteadying me, as I grasped tightly onto the wall edge. I closed my eyes tightly, hoping and wishing for the sight to disappear when I opened them again. My wish wasn’t granted. My mind flashed back to the time I had first met him. The way his hair brushed messily over his eyes, that smirk and quick wit and the way we clicked instantly. He brought out the best in me, and for once I was one of the achingly cool people I idolised so much. I was never one to be certain of anything, but with him, it seemed finally possible. I guess it wasn’t meant to be.
I swung my legs over the wall and sat on the cold brick, clinging tightly. Who would miss me if I jumped? I have friends, amazing, wonderful, beautiful friends and they keep me up when I start to fall, but sometimes, when I fall, all I want is for him to catch me. My friends can’t fill the void in my heart, it can’t displace the hole in my soul that only he can fill.
If any of them could see me now, they’d shout and scream at me for being so stupid, and I wouldn’t blame them in the slightest. Even I knew what I was doing wasn’t logical or clever, but I saw no other escape. Logical thinking had been pushed aside for once and all that was driving me was emotion.
I thought to myself, If I fall, will I keep falling? Will I ever reach the end? Maybe it would be cleverer to get back on safe ground and walk away from it. Escape it, but not end it. I looked back down towards the ground and contemplated life as I watched the only person that mattered in it. The achy empty feeling seemed to have set up permanent ground. I watched as he laughed, and touched and played. I watched as he flung his head back and smiled. I watched as his eyes caught mine from so far away. I watched the ground as I fell.
Heres the bit where you though it sucked.
Chow. xxx
posted by Stacey at 8:24 AM
3 comments
